Alcoholism Jealousy Midlife

Tips For Overcoming Your Jealousy Demons

If you struggle with jealousy in your love relationship or marriage, it might seem to you as if your emotions take over at times. It’s kind of like jealousy rears its ugly head and dominates you– and your relationship.

As much as you want to trust your partner and connect with him or her, jealous fears or anger get in the way. You probably find yourself saying and even doing things that you might not otherwise do.

We all have had "demons" at one time or another.

These are the habits and tendencies that hold us back and often cause pain and hurt. Addictions such as alcoholism or drug abuse are sometimes considered to be "demons" that a person can, hopefully, identify and overcome.

Jealousy might not be classified as an addiction, but it certainly can feel like a "demon." The powerful emotions that accompany jealousy can rise up and seem to control you.

The fact of the matter is, you are the one who gets to decide how you respond to the situations and people in your life.

You can take back the control and overcome your jealousy demons with awareness and conscious decisions.

Patrick feels like he’s moved from one demon to another. He’s been sober for 5 years now with the help of good friends and a great therapist. It was a struggle, at times, for Patrick to give up alcohol, but he could no longer deny the toll it was taking on his life.

Not only was Patrick blacking out and suffering other physical consequences of alcoholism, he also experienced the destruction of a love relationship due, in large part, to his drinking.

Patrick feels blessed to have found Julia. She is a wonderful partner for him and has been so supportive of his journey giving up alcohol. Unfortunately, however, Patrick has realized another demon in his life– jealousy.

Whenever Patrick is out with Julia, he is constantly "on guard." He feels like he has to watch out for other men and is frequently worried that Julia will find a "better" man and leave him.

Patrick realizes that his jealousy demon is causing distance between he and Julia. He would like to put an end to his jealousy, just like he stopped drinking.

The challenge is, he feels helpless and unable to do so.

Acknowledge your power.
When a habit or tendency feels overwhelming and like a demon in your life, you might also feel powerless to do anything about it. It may seem to you as if the jealousy has a force of its own and you are at its mercy.

We understand. Jealous emotions can be that intense and overwhelming.

A vital first step in overcoming jealousy is to acknowledge that you are the one in control. You have the power and the choice.

Sometimes it can help you to acknowledge your power to step back and really observe yourself. Watch your thoughts and the ways you respond to life.

For example, Patrick is able to see that he makes choices all the time. He chooses to get up early each morning so that he can go for a run. He chooses to eat a particular cereal for breakfast. He chooses to show up and give his all at work each day. He chooses to drink non-alcoholic beverages– even when he gets stressed out.

As mundane as many of these things are, it bolsters Patrick to realize how many choices he makes in the course of a day, or even a few hours.

Just as you get to control what you eat and where you’ll eat or whether or not you’ll brush your teeth or go straight to bed, you also get to choose how to meet particular situations that crop up in your relationship.

Get to know your habitual reactions.
Now that you know how potentially powerful you are, you can make more conscious choices about how to respond to situations.

Just as you took a step back and observed how much choice you have in your day-to-day life, do the same when looking at your habitual reactions– especially those that link to jealousy.

When you get triggered because your partner doesn’t call when working late at the office or when he or she is out of town alone, how do you often react?

It is in these triggering situations that a jealousy demon can rise up and seem to take you over.

Learn the signs that jealousy is coming up for you and then remind yourself of how powerful you actually are.

Again, this can take practice. Be gentle with yourself. Know that you can always pause mid-jealousy stream and make a shift.

Remembering your capacity to make a choice about how you will respond to a situation that previously made you feel jealous can make a big difference. Next, it is up to you to follow through with that desired, alternate choice.

How does it feel when you first question your fearful thoughts and calm yourself before taking any action? What differences do you notice when you interact with your partner from a place of curiosity and a sense of openness instead of making jealous assumptions?

The choice is truly up to you. If you like the way these different approaches feel, then continue in this direction. A closer connection with your partner is just around the corner.

Author: Susie Collins

Start today to heal your jealous behavior by signing up for Relationship Coaches Susie and Otto Collins’ free course on how to stop jealousy at http://www.NoMoreJealousy.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Susie_Collins

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